Frowny Faces, Sparkly Eyes and Grey Stuff

The first movie I remember watching in the cinema is The Fisher King. It wasn’t a really sound decision my mother made when she decided to take my brother and me to see it. I had nightmares about the headless rider for years.

Being a cinema-goer for 25 years I’ve pretty much seen it all. When I was watching The Mummy, at one point the reel skipped a half an hour of the movie and simply went on. Then the movie was started again. Took us three hours to see a two-hour movie. I’ve seen a movie during which my cinema-going partner fell asleep three times (Skyfall – can you blame him?).

During Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, I’ve witnessed three fellow cinema-goers whip out Tupperware filled with deep-fried chicken and assorted side-dishes. I suffered through Deuce Bigelow (secret première).

With two of my friends, I’ve managed to convince a reluctant cinema manager to play a movie just for the three of us. I went to the midnight première of Miami Vice. Alone. I sat in the first row between two love seats. That was fun.

One time, it took the cinema people half an hour to realize they were playing the wrong movie.

Once an employer made a phone call during the movie to curse and swear at some colleague telling him (or her) that the movie was too loud and that the air-conditioning sucked.

I have never spaced out during a movie. Never. Not until Dawn of Justice (or as someone renamed it – Yawn of Justice). I was staring at the screen, not seeing what was going on. I have also never taken the time to count all the ceiling lights in the hall. Which is, as I have learnt, rather tricky in the dark. Also there were air vents on the ceiling, round like the lights. It was an arduous task, especially having in mind that I did not sit in the last row so I had to crane my neck. I also never thought about Matt Damon and Jason Bourne during a superhero movie, thinking how I would love to see that fight from the first movie and whether I could watch the teaser trailer for Jason Bourne 5 for 150 minutes consecutively and if that would bore me as much as Batman v Superman. I did not test that one, but I did watch the trailer as soon as BvS finished.

There are a lot of bad reviews of BvS. Understandably so. I’m not going to repeat what has already been said. I will however tell you that if you go see this movie, there is a good possibility you will be shocked, confused, bored, unimpressed and that you’ll probably experience all that on a wholly new level.

P.S. Why THE HELL did Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill spend all that time buffing up for the movie, when they even didn’t try to use that to make the movie bearable?

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Harry Potter and the Can of Kick-Ass

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Harry Potter and the Can of Kick-Ass

A movie came out recently in which a tall, American Harry Potter wears a silly green-yellow suit. Instead of a wand, this American Harry Potter carries two batons and has a tendency of beating people up. He fancies himself a superhero and he goes around fighting evil with dr. Turk and Ace Ventura and some other weird-looking guys who look like escaped comic cons. The Motherfucker has some daddy, mommy and Harry Potter issues and he decides to round up some more escaped comic cons to fight the more belevolent comic cons and Harry Potter. Thankfully, Harry Potter has a cool friend Mindy who can actually kick ass.

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Percy Jackson and the Can of Kick-Ass

This movie is awesome. Much better than the Percy Jackson and the Can of Kick-Ass. There was less talk and more action. Hit Girl is practically the lead character and the kid is absolutely amazing. Harry Potter deosn’t blab as much as he did when he was Percy Jackson. He’s more action-oriented. Some action scenes are a bit blurred and generally action sequences were more poorly mad in Harry Potter than they were in Percy Jackson, but, as we all know, Harry Potter is better than Percy Jackson, no matter what.

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The chemistry between Harry Potter and Hit Girl is amazing. I haven’t seen such chemistry between two characters in a long time – longer than I care to remember. Now I’m not talking about some sexual tension, or what not. They simply work great together which brings the movie to a whole new level.

I still have issues with kids enjoying an occasional masacre, because it confuses the shit out of me, particulary when it comes to target audiences. I mean, I’m ok seeng Hit Girl open a can of kick-ass, but I’m not sure I like the idea of someone whose Hit Girl’s age (or younger) watching her do that..

The major fault with the move is a weak-ass main conflict. It is not accentuated enough. Motherfucker is a cool villain, but the battle of good vs. evil was a bit weak, and not in a philosophical way where you try to understand is there such a thing as good and evil in this world or are those just cultural constructs.

Despite some moral ambiguities, which I have also experienced with Percy Jackson and the Can of Kick-Ass, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and I hope as hell they make another one.

Cool Movie Posters

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