Frowny Faces, Sparkly Eyes and Grey Stuff

on

The first movie I remember watching in the cinema is The Fisher King. It wasn’t a really sound decision my mother made when she decided to take my brother and me to see it. I had nightmares about the headless rider for years.

Being a cinema-goer for 25 years I’ve pretty much seen it all. When I was watching The Mummy, at one point the reel skipped a half an hour of the movie and simply went on. Then the movie was started again. Took us three hours to see a two-hour movie. I’ve seen a movie during which my cinema-going partner fell asleep three times (Skyfall – can you blame him?).

During Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, I’ve witnessed three fellow cinema-goers whip out Tupperware filled with deep-fried chicken and assorted side-dishes. I suffered through Deuce Bigelow (secret première).

With two of my friends, I’ve managed to convince a reluctant cinema manager to play a movie just for the three of us. I went to the midnight première of Miami Vice. Alone. I sat in the first row between two love seats. That was fun.

One time, it took the cinema people half an hour to realize they were playing the wrong movie.

Once an employer made a phone call during the movie to curse and swear at some colleague telling him (or her) that the movie was too loud and that the air-conditioning sucked.

I have never spaced out during a movie. Never. Not until Dawn of Justice (or as someone renamed it – Yawn of Justice). I was staring at the screen, not seeing what was going on. I have also never taken the time to count all the ceiling lights in the hall. Which is, as I have learnt, rather tricky in the dark. Also there were air vents on the ceiling, round like the lights. It was an arduous task, especially having in mind that I did not sit in the last row so I had to crane my neck. I also never thought about Matt Damon and Jason Bourne during a superhero movie, thinking how I would love to see that fight from the first movie and whether I could watch the teaser trailer for Jason Bourne 5 for 150 minutes consecutively and if that would bore me as much as Batman v Superman. I did not test that one, but I did watch the trailer as soon as BvS finished.

There are a lot of bad reviews of BvS. Understandably so. I’m not going to repeat what has already been said. I will however tell you that if you go see this movie, there is a good possibility you will be shocked, confused, bored, unimpressed and that you’ll probably experience all that on a wholly new level.

P.S. Why THE HELL did Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill spend all that time buffing up for the movie, when they even didn’t try to use that to make the movie bearable?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s