Jason Bourne or David Webb?

Driving in a car.
Matt Damon without a shirt.
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Fight. Anguished Matt Damon/flashback.
JESUS CHRIST IT’S JULIA STILES.
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Computer mumbo jumbo.
Fight. Fast walking.
Some conversation. Driving in a car.
Fight. Fast walking. Flashback.
The Greek love Molotov cocktails.
Computer mumbo jumbo.
Fight.
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Matt Damon without a shirt.
High speed chase.
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Fight.
CIA is useless. It’s not even clear how they keep on existing.
High speed chase.
Tommy Lee Jones looking old and bored.
Fight.
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Attempt at raising the issue of privacy vs security. Failing.
Creative use of weaponry.

A boring, never-ending high speed chase which finally gives you an opportunity to think about the movie and realise Jason Bourne is not much of a movie. It really isn’t. The plot, non-existent as it is, is flimsy, unnecessarily sappy and very convenient. They invested minimum effort in the story.

Jason Bourne is a wild ride (no pun intended, but still – that’s what she said). Until the very end, It doesn’t let you think about the plot and about what’s actually happening. Until that car chase which seems even worse than the one in the Dawn of Justice (yaaaaaaaaawn).

Still, if you expect nothing more than a movie with Matt Damon in it, you’re not gonna be disappointed.

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Would you look at that?

I liked the first Bourne movie. I liked it because I love Damon (that should be LOVE, but let’s be subtle and pretend that I am, in fact, objective). I liked it because seeing the sweet puppy-like Matt go around kicking serious ass was a sight to see.

Matt Damon and the LOVE were not enough for me to like Supremacy, and there was no amount of LOVE that could have made me like Ultimatum. Even so, I was giddy as a schoolgirl when I saw the teaser trailer.

How much am I looking forward to it? I’m looking forward to it more than I looked forward to Star Wars (just to clarify I was really looking forward to Star Wars, but I look forward to Jason Bourne the way crazy people like my boyfriend looked forward to Star Wars).

So why on Earth am I looking forward to Jason Bourne (2016) as much as I am?

Let’s get physical.

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See this?

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And this?

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How ’bout this?

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Yes, I’m looking forward to Jason Bourne enough to find time in my busy schedule as a socialite to make gifs. Also, I AM aware that there are other actors in this movie. I, however, do not care.

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