Not With a Bang But a Whimper.

And there I was, thinking I was doing this big thing. Baring my soul. Giving a piece of my heart. Sharing. Doing that shit you normally read about in books. Expecting a catharsis. Literature teaches us that communication and development of narrative lead to conflict resolution, forging deeper bonds.
I did not expect something big.

A smidge of revelation. A touch of liberation. A hint of catharsis.

A murder of crows.
A quiver of cobras.
A parliament of owls.
A squabble of seagulls.
A shrewdness of apes.
A mischief of mice.

Anything.
Nothing.

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion

A whimper.

(More randomness on http://users.tinyonline.co.uk/gswithenbank/collnoun.htm)

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Fifty Shades of Consent

If you ever read a book that falls into the category of adult or erotic fiction, I am quite sure you are fully aware that there are many, many ways a woman can say yes without actually uttering the word. Sometimes she says no, repeatedly, but still manages to have consensual sex. However, once she gets that elusive guy no other non-raped woman was able to tie down, there are no more nuances. Only white, hot light.

If it’s so important to have the element of inability to control oneself, I think that the erotic fiction trend would benefit from implementing the nature of consent as depicted in Beautiful Bastard.

Chloe Mills is unable to say no to Bennett Ryan. Even though she hates him, she is attracted to him and there’s no helping it. Note that she never says no to Bennett. Once, she even orders him to get on his knees. I’m not a fan of multiple POV, but in Beautiful Bastard Bennett’s point of view functions to level the playing field. He is no different than she is, which is something that all writers should strive towards (to please me). He is also unable to say no, even though he knows he probably should, given the fact he is Chloe’s boss.

Sure, there are a few “usual” problems, some of which definitely stem from the fact that Beautiful Bastard originated from fanfiction. The story gets a bit diluted in the last 100 pages or so, I skipped through entire chunks of book because an intercourse per chapter is in my view a bit too much. There was some strained willing suspension of disbelief as the hate they felt for each other turned into something else. I also think that the familial relations should have been additionally elaborated and put to better use. Authors try to introduce multiple characters, but really the world consists of two “real” people. Other characters have limited use: 1) to enable the protagonists to learn something through conversation; 2) to illustrate just how hot, kind, sweet and complex the protagonists are; 3) to serve as a source of conflict between protagonists.

I think most fans of 50 Shades of Grey might be interested that there are multiple similarities between Beautiful Bastard and 50 Shades, only Beautiful Bastard is not lousy. Also The Office (fanfiction on which Beautiful Bastard is based) is said to have inspired 50 Shades and its brethren. If you read adult/erotic fiction, you like 50 Shades, or would maybe like to find something like it but you prefer female characters with a backbone and male characters who are not pricks, Beautiful Bastard is the book for you.

The Keanu (2014)

After the Lucy disappointment, Guardians of the Galaxy managed to improve my 2014 movie-mood. From all the hoopla about GotG, I thought that it couldn’t be that good. Turned out it is. But I’m dying for something that is not based on something else, something with an original script.

And now, 2014 gets my hopes up. Again. 90s style. I present you The Most Anticipated Movie of 2014: RELOADED

We need more movies in which the Keanu needn’t act, just be.

When you feel life out of focus…always return to basic of [the Keanu].

In addition, Willem Dafoe, Ian McShane, Lance Reddick and John Leguizamo (who is not credited on imdb, WTF imdb?).

dancing-groot-gif
General John Wick feeling (when no one’s looking)
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General John Wick feeling (when people are looking)

 

Please, let me park my own car in front of your pink house.

Erotic fiction or adult fiction or watchamacallit, should not necessarily put me through an entire page about a single kiss or twenty pages about one coitus. The anatomy of a kiss is not something I’m interested in. I’m aware that it includes lips, tongue and sometimes teeth. I would prefer if you didn’t get all naturalistic on my ass. Or on your characters’ asses.

What you show me is more important than what you write. I find it terribly obtrusive when you pause to write: She was sexually attracted to him because __________________. Or: He wanted to have sex with her because _______________.

A good book tells you there’s a pink house and lets you paint some of the finishing touches, maybe choose the roof style, park your own car out front. (KMM, DarkFever)

Keep one thing in mind: Context is King.

fanfiction vs porn

You should practice omissiontiming and dosage which are so sparse as of recently. The Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning is the best example of how to do this (even though her Highlander Series is lacking in this respect).

Karen Marie Moning is more than an author, she’s a dealer. She has the merchandise, she is the only one who can supply you with it, and she knows just how much you need to keep you hooked, wanting more.  When Jericho and MacKayla hook up (physically) KMM made it work for another thousand pages or so.

Normally, once the protagonists get together, most contemporary fiction (YA, romance, erotic fiction and other assorted genres) lose some or all appeal. This is because your primary focus is on the (sexual) relationship, with blatant disregard of plot and character development, and your inability (or unwillingness) to omit, time and dose. And then you are forced to put your characters into ridiculous situations, create unnecessary conflict in a poor attempt to keep the interest of the reader.

Even after reading a whole big bunch of Gulity Pleasure/Cheap Thrill (GPCT) books, Jerricho Barrons remains my one and only GPCT bookcrush. He’s not there all the time. Sometimes he shows up once in a few hundred pages, but when Jericho shows up…Well, read between the lines.

Barrons has something the rest of us don’t have. I don’t know what it is, but I feel it all the time, especially when we’re standing close. Beneath the expensive clothes, unplaceable accent, and cultured veneer, there’s something that never crawled all the way out of the swamp. It didn’t want to. It likes it there. (KMM, BloodFever).

A Million Ways to Die in the West

a-million-ways-to-die-in-the-west-posters-sarah-silverman a-million-ways-to-die-in-the-west-posters-liam-neeson A-Million-Ways-to-Die-in-the-West-Neil-Patrick-Harris

Well, wasn’t that a waste of a perfectly good evening. I can think of a million better ways to spend an evening. One of which would be repeatedly poking myself in the eye. There are a few good moments in this movie, one would say almost funny. However, those good moments make about 5 per cent of the movie.  We can chalk up another 10 percent to scenery shots. What you’re left with is disgusting  and not at all funny. Bodily fluids, idiotic jokes, and vulgarity are abundant in this movie with virtually no script and no wit.

In the end, I cannot even begin to imagine the amount of money necessary to make Liam Neeson take a role where somebody puts a flower between his butt cheeks. I’m sure it was a butt double, but still.

I mean, there are fucking dancing sheep in this movie!

Stranded with a Billionaire

AN: This book enabled me to accept the fact that books about falling for a rich dude are not my cup of tea and that I should stop trying. I should stick to normal and paranormal guys.

Logan just bought an island on which, incidentally, Brontë is spending her vacation. A hurricane disrupts her lousy stay, and she is found, believe it or not, Stranded with a Billionaire. They hook up,  and the chemistry between them is convincing. There are funny moments, cute moments and boring moments. Logan is not an irritating bully and Brontë, although naïve to a certain degree, is not an idiot and has a mind of her own.

And then they leave the island.

Once Logan and Brontë leave the windy retreat, the book starts it’s slow, but safe, downward spiral. It goes around in circles, entertaining cliches about love, money and baggage, dabbling with now unconvincing and forced attraction. Once in the real world, everything, including the author’s inspiration and imagination, indicates that Logan and Brontë should break up, because their relationship does not work and because they both seemed as uninterested in it as I was.

In case you liked 50 Shades of Grey or the Crossfire Series, Stranded with a Billionaire might be your cup of tea.  It’s not bad, it got me interested and intrigued. Unfortunately, it lost focus and I lost interest.