A Half of Pacific Rim Review

Admittedly “borrowing” the fruits of Japanese animation and imagination, Guillermo del Toro fails to steal … sorry, borrow that which is at the heart of every decent mecha manga and anime – characters you can relate to, robots you come to love, and a deep connection between the driver and the robot.

I was going to skip reviewing this piece of shit movie, because reviewing lousy movies is too easy. It’s even easier when you go in expecting a whole big bunch and you get diddly-squat with a cherry on top. So, what’s wrong with Pacific Rim? Pretty much everything, but if I kept it at that, this wouldn’t be a review.

Subliminal Message 1
Subliminal Message 1 (Voltron)

1. Charlie Hunnam plays the main character – that blond guy who is for some reason considered special and indispensable in the movie, but we don’t really get to see him do anything special. Although he has a special ability of not being able to act. At all. Repeating lines is not acting. Nope. The fact that I do not remember the name of his character is rather indicative of how striking he is.

2. Idris Elba – (yeah, don’t remember the name of his character, either). So you cast this amazing, awesome, cool actor and you decide to make him sick AND boring. And you give him a little red shoe to play with. What is he – Dorothy? Is he from Kansas? Dear God! I mean, sure, Kenneth Branagh put a huge helmet on him and you could barely see his face – but he knew how to capitalize on the coolness that is Idris Elba. You Mr del Toro, not so much.

Subliminal Message 2 (Vision of Escaflowne)
Subliminal Message 2 (Vision of Escaflowne)

3. Ron Perlman – You do not cast Ron Perlman for five minutes. It’s a desperate attempt to add coolness to a movie.

4. Those two asshole scientists who are in fact as irritating and intelligent as Steve Urkel (comparison chosen in order to refrain from using genitals and/or genitally related terms).

Last Subliminal Message
Subliminal Message 3 (Evangelion)

I’m not going to finish this review. I really cannot. I mean, wasting my time telling you on how many levels Mr del Toro screwed up is pointless.

Go watch Evangelion, or RahXephon. Vision of Escaflowne. Watch Voltron and Macross (not Macross 7). Just don’t watch this piece of unimaginative shit. And yes, if you want a visual experience at par with Pacific Rim, watch Godzilla.

Subliminal Message 3
A monster movie starring Matthew Broderick (yes, Matthew Broderick is cooler then the blond pretty dude with good muscle tone from Pacific Rim).

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